Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
