I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
