bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
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