I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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