I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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