dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
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she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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