my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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