She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
