i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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