If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
