that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
