Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
