Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I got inside last night via doggy door
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
