We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
