There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
