dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
