my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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