Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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