I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
