mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
