So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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