I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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