OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
