My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
