I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
