At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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