She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize