we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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