you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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