oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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