Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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