this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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