Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
