Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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