i will never coherently bang her
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
