just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
