So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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