i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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