Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
