i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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