Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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