Plan B is the new Plan A
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
