Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
