the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
