Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can I color on your dick again?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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