are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
