i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They took my balls.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
