did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
