So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Help. Why am I so naked?
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