1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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