I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
