if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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