Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
