Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Boobs speak an international language.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
