Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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