I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
