I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
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Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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