Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
