I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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