I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
