I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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