I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
