You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
