Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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