Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
