I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
