you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
