i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is Oprah even human
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
