I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
