My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
