Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
