remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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