the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
