So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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