i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i dont even know how to be here
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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