dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
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her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
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Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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