youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
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she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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